I Kill Giants | MOVIE REVIEW

Apparently Chris Columbus produced this one, meaning this is the first time in years that something he’s been a part of, didn’t turn out to be an absolute dumpster fire. Credit where credit’s due.

I Kill Giants was directed by Anders Walter and stars Madison Wolfe, Zoe Saldana, Imogen Poots, and Sydney Wade. What it is, basically, is a fantasy story about a kid - without much of a real place in the world - who, with the help of some monsters, is forced to come to terms with a really difficult part in her life. Now, if you’re thinking that this sounds very familiar, that’s because it probably does, and it did to me. This movie felt very reminiscent of A Monster Calls - except, in this case, it’s more like A Monster Comes.

Mute | MOVIE REVIEW

I gotta say, Meekus has come a long way since being an orange-mocha frappuccino-drinking male model, to be honest. I'm proud of the guy. I really am.

Mute was directed by Duncan Jones (Warcraft, Moon) - who also happens to be David Bowie's son - and stars Alexander Skarsgard, Paul Rudd, and Justin Theroux. It's also a sci-fi, cyberpunk, noir film, not too unlike Blade Runner - in fact, visually, it did remind me a lot of Blade Runner, but that's not so much a bad thing as it is kind of unavoidable when making cyberpunk anything.

I'm gonna keep it vague here, since I don't wanna spoil anything in case you were planning on catching it, but the plot revolves around Leo (played by Alexander Skarsgard), who is mute, and his quest to unravel a mystery.

Black Panther | MOVIE REVIEW

I'm not gonna lie, throughout this movie, I was crossing my fingers - hoping - for one of the characters to yell, "WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?" at someone. That would've been fantastic, honestly. It's a missed opportunity if ever there was one.

Black Panther was directed by Ryan Coogler (who did Creed, which I absolutely loved) and stars Chadwick Boseman, Lupita N'yongo, Michael B. Jordan, Andy Serkis, Martin Freeman, and Forrest Whittaker, among a number of other people. As you already know, this film is the 18th entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and takes place right after the events of Captain America: Civil War. This follows the story of T'Challa and the things he does following the capture of Helmut Zemo, and dabbles a lot in his return to Wakanda.

Personally, I was hyped for this movie, but not for the reasons that most other people were. The reason I was excited to see this was because Ryan Coogler was at the helm, and he had done Creed, which was one of my personal favorite films of the past decade. Many other people who had worked on Creed, such as Michael B. Jordan and composer Ludwig Gorannsson, were also brought on board to help, and that got me excited.

Okja | MOVIE REVIEW

I'm not gonna lie, that was perhaps the roughest thing I've watched since The Passion of the Christ. That was heavy.

Okja was directed by Bong Joon Ho (Snowpiercer) and stars Seo-Hyeon Ahn, Tilda Swinton, Paul Dano, and Jake Gyllenhaal. It's about this girl Mija and her pet hippopotamus "super pig" named Okja, who gets taken away by the folks from Tilda Swinton's corporation, and now she has to get him the fuck outta there.

Spiderman: Homecoming | MOVIE REVIEW

THAT'S what I'm talking about.

Spiderman: Homecoming is the sixth Spiderman movie we've gotten in 15 years and is the third brand-new iteration of the masked web-slinger we've seen in the same amount of time. This one was directed by Jon Watts (Cop Car) and stars Tom Holland, Robert Downey Jr., and Michael Keaton, and is a continuation of Spiderman's journey following the events that took place in Civil War.

Transformers: The Last Knight | MOVIE REVIEW

As I was watching this, I felt like I was in that episode of Rick and Morty when they were transported to Morty's teacher's dreams and everything is like some twisted, messed-up version of reality. And, much like Rick and Morty, I wasn't having fun. At all.

Transformers: the Last Knight is the sequel to that two-and-a-half hour-long dumpster fire known as Age of Extinction, and is still - still - directed by Michael Bay. It stars Mark Wahlberg among a whole village worth of side characters and - thankfully - is Michael Bay's last ever Transformers movie.

The Mummy | MOVIE REVIEW

In case you forgot, the last time we got a Mummy movie without Brendan Fraser in it, we got that wreck of a movie that was The Scorpion King... But, then again, the last time we got a Mummy movie with Brendan Fraser in it, we ended up with Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. It's fair to say the odds of this movie being any good are mixed, to say the least.

The Mummy was directed by Alex Kurtzman and stars Tom Cruise, Annabelle Wallis, and everyone's favorite Algerian Sofia Boutella. It's the first entry in Universal's (dubiously named) Dark Universe - which, I think is the most unnecessary of the current cinematic universes - and is, more or less, a reboot of The Mummy (the one with Brendan Fraser in it, a.k.a. the one everyone loves). The story in this one's a bit different, and involves a grave robber (Cruise) and an archaeologist stumbling upon a sarcophagus in the middle of Iraq and bringing it over to Europe.

Colossal | MOVIE REVIEW

You know who's the prettiest drunk person ever? Anne Hathaway. I kid you not, Anne Hathaway is supposed to have gotten black-out drunk a number of times in this movie, yet she still looks as gorgeous as ever. Just saying.

Colossal was directed by Nacho Vigallondo and stars Anne Hathaway, who's trying to get her life together while Seoul is getting screwed up the butt by this giant monster thing. It also stars Jason Sudeikis and Dan Stevens and is a very fresh and original movie in this landscape of sequels, reboots, and remakes.

The Lost City of Z | MOVIE REVIEW

I'm kinda lost for a clever intro for this one, so let's just get right into it.

The Lost City of Z (pronounced Zedd, like the DJ) was directed by James Gray and stars Charlie Hunnam, Robert Pattinson, and Sienna Miller and is, just for the record, not a zombie movie. It's about Percy Fawcett (Hunnam), a British soldier/explorer, and his search for a lost city in the jungles of Bolivia.

Wonder Woman | MOVIE REVIEW

It took a while, but we finally have it; a DCEU movie that isn't taking a severe beating from mainstream movie critics. How amazing is that?

Wonder Woman was directed by Patty Jenkins (Monster) and stars Gal Gadot as, well, Wonder Woman. It's the fourth entry in the DCEU and DC's fourth crack at making a movie that critics won't rip to shreds. Hopefully, things won't be as hard the fourth time around.

"Alien: Covenant" | MOVIE REVIEW

Pardon me; I'm about to make a reference to a video game that very few people actually care about. If movie directors had FUT cards, at this point, Ridley Scott would have a gold IF upgrade card because - I'm telling you - the dude is in form. The man's on a roll, pretty much is what I'm trying to say.

Alien: Covenant is the latest entry into the Alien franchise and is directed by, like I mentioned earlier, Ridley Scott and stars Katherine Waterston, Michael Fassbender, Danny McBride, and Billy Crudup. However, this actually ties in more to the movie Prometheus than it does the original Alien, so it's moreso a sequel than a prequel, if you get what I mean.

"Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2" | MOVIE REVIEW

Another year, another batch of Marvel movies for us to consume. Let's get to it.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2 (which, for the rest of this review, I'm gonna shorten to just Guardians 2 because that is a seriously long-ass title) is the next installment in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and is - obviously - the sequel to 2014's Guardians of the Galaxy. That being said, you pretty much know the drill by now. Quill and friends get into a mess, their friendship is tested, they find themselves in a bigger mess, and now they have to get out of said mess. This one is still directed by James Gunn and it still makes for some pretty good entertainment.

"Beauty and the Beast" | MOVIE REVIEW

I know, I KNOW. I'm super early in getting this review up.

Okay, fine, I'm at least a week late, and to that, I say... A wizard is never late, nor is he early; he reviews Beauty and the Beast precisely when he means to.

As you all already know, Beauty and the Beast is the latest in Disney's string of live-action remakes of their classic animations and stars Emma Watson, Dan Stevens, Ewan McGregor, and Luke Evans. It was directed by Bill Condon, who helmed, well, this...

Yeah.

It also is quite musical, very much in the true spirit and vein of the original.

"Power Rangers" | MOVIE REVIEW

You know, the only thing that's truly surprising about these Rotten Tomatoes scores is that critics were expecting to like a movie based on the original Power Rangers TV show. Just think about that; critics were expecting to like a movie based on this:

I wonder why they didn't like this one.

Power Rangers is a new movie based on the old Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers TV show from the 90's and, much like the source material it's based on, it revolves around a group of teenagers who get powers and team up to become a unit of superheroes. This one's directed by Dean Israelite (Project Almanac) and stars RJ Cyler, Dacre Montgomery, Ludi Lin, Becky G, and my favorite actress in the movie, Naomi Scott.

"Kong: Skull Island" | MOVIE REVIEW

Damn… You know, I was really looking forward to this one.

The follow-up release to 2014's (very good) Godzilla, Kong: Skull Island was directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts (The Kings of Summer – also a very good movie) and stars – here goes – Brie Larson, Tom Hiddleston, Samuel Jackson, John Goodman, Toby Kebbell, and Corey Hawkins, and is the second film in Legendary's Monsterverse. It's a pretty different take on King Kong as we know him and takes place just after the Vietnam War. Sounds pretty good, right?

"Logan" | MOVIE REVIEW

The sketch attached to this link pretty much sums up my experience watching Logan. Don't judge.

Logan is directed by James Mangold and is both Hugh Jackman's and Patrick Stewart's very last time playing Wolverine and Professor Charles Xavier, respectively. It's also the second R-rated movie set in the X-Men franchise and, from the trailers, was promised to be not only a very violent and grim take on the character and journey of Logan Howlett, but also an incredibly gripping and emotional personal story.

"The Lego Batman Movie" | MOVIE REVIEW

Okay, I'm four cans into my latest Red Bull binge at the time of writing this review and I'm officially past the halfway mark to completing the reviews for all the movies I saw in February. Let's do this.

The Lego Batman Movie is a spin-off the surprisingly good Lego Movie and stars Will Arnett as the titular caped crusader but, in many ways, he isn't really the version of Batman that we've all come to know and love. This Batman is snarky, incredibly vain, and is pretty much an a-hole, but a loveable a-hole, and that completely works for this movie.

"John Wick: Chapter 2" | MOVIE REVIEW

Coming out of this movie had me asking a legitimately interesting question that someone has to answer. Who would win in a fight: Bruce Wayne or John Wick? On one hand, you have the world's greatest detective and on the other hand, you have John Wick.

John Wick 2 is the sequel to the 2014 sleeper hit John Wick and, like the first one, stars Keanu Reeves and packs a f***ton of ass-kicking and violence. It's also directed by one of the two guys who did the first one (Chad Stahel... Stalh... Stahelski), so, if for nothing else, we were being promised more of the same.

"La La Land" | MOVIE REVIEW

So, I took my sister to see this movie and, as soon as Ryan Gosling's first exposition scene starts, she turns to me and says, "so, you like jazz?" I don't know what you'd do with that information, but I'm throwing that out there anyway.

Directed by Damien Chazelle (Whiplash), La La Land stars Emma Stone and the undisputed best celebrity Ryan in the world Ryan Gosling (to everyone except my Mom, anyway) and is a musical revolving around the lives of a struggling actress and a starving musician. And, much like Whiplash, La La Land features a lot - and I mean a lot - of jazz, and it's also pretty great.

"Extra Service" | MOVIE REVIEW

If you feel like all the ideas you have are absolutely terrible, just remember that, somehow, this movie was given the greenlight. Amazing!

Extra Service is, basically, an action-comedy starring Jessy Mendiola, Coleen Garcia, and Arci Muñoz (otherwise known as all the marketing you'll ever need) that feels like it was written by Vice Ganda and someone who frequents PornHub. That right there should tell you everything you need to know about this movie.