The Rating System

All of you know that I don't grade movies on a scale of 1 to 10 or a scale of "stars" or whatever like most other people usually do. From what I can tell, the ratings I give have been a hit with you guys, so I think a refresher is due, in case any of you forgot.

This time, I'm just gonna start with the lowest rating, so here it is.

The Great Mighty Poo

As you might've been guessed, this rating is reserved for movies that are just truly awful - the worst of the worst. Movies deserving of this grade generally have no redeeming values, or at least any of actual substance. In short, these movies are just flat-out bad.

You might've seen me use it to describe movies like Extra Service or Gods of Egypt. Both are horrendous, and this rating describes those movies perfectly - both are nothing more than great (and mighty) piles of shit.

Other movies I've seen that I think would've gotten this rating if I'd reviewed them include Beauty and the Bestie and Fant4stic - not exactly good company.

The Sour Jar Jar

While it is higher up on the rating scale than a Great Mighty Poo, the Sour Jar Jar is the grade reserved for movies that are only just marginally better. That being said, they're still pretty bad. These movies might have some substantial redeeming value, but those qualities still ultimately fail to elevate them above being just bad.

I've given this grade in the past to The Fifth Wave, Kong: Skull Island, and, albeit conditionally, the 2016 remake of Ghostbusters. That should give you an idea as to the standard of quality to which a movie with a Sour Jar Jar grade adheres.

Some movies that I've seen that would definitely have gotten this grade had I reviewed them include - but are not limited to - Cars 2, Maleficent, and Jupiter Ascending. Amazing.

The McKayla

Ever watched a movie and had that expression on your face because it just bored you out of your mind? (Or, at the very least, failed at all to impress you?) I have, and that's why this rating exist - it encapsulates movies that are neither good nor bad. These are for movies that are just, like, parang, you know? Meh.

Last year, I used it to describe Central Intelligence. Had I reviewed them, Suicide Squad and Jason Bourne would've gotten them, too. They're not great, not good, not bad, and not horrendous - they just are.

Other movies I'd have given this rating to include The Hunger Games, Iron Man 3, and Now You See Me - otherwise known as movies that either failed to impress me. Like I said earlier, meh.

The Jar Jar Thumbs-Up

Now that all that negativity's out of the way, let's proceed into the ratings I use to describe movies that, I think, are good - as in generally good. The Jar Jar Thumbs-Up is an umbrella rating for movies that I do enjoy and have enjoyed. You probably see this rating a lot, and it probably doesn't need any further explanation, but I'mma shed some more light on it anyway.

In recent memory, I've given this rating to Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 and Power Rangers, and, last year, I gave this rating to Warcraft and Kung-Fu Panda 3.

Out of the many, many movies I liked - and, trust me, there are a lot - I feel like are only really a handful that transcend the realm of just being good movies. This brings us to my next rating...

The Vader

I'm pretty sure you've watched a movie at some point and thought to yourself, "You know what? Calling this movie just 'good' just doesn't cut it. It's pretty damn good." I know I have - lots of times - and that's what I came up with this rating for.

You probably already saw that I gave this to Alien: Covenant and The Lego Batman Movie, and they deserved it, too. They weren't just good, they were damn good. They were great.

There's a long list of movies I found to be great. Take Godzilla (the 2014 version, mind you), for example - me saying that Godzilla was simply "good" would be lying. Other movies I think really fall under this category (in my humble opinion) include James Gunn's ultraviolent indie "superhero" movie Super, Matthew Vaughn's Kick-Ass, Avid Liongoren's Saving Sally, and Train to Busan.

Total Excellence

And, here we are. We've finally arrived at the most prestigious of my ratings. It's reserved only for the best of the best, the crème de la crème, the Awesometacular. It's the one award that used to bear a really low-resolution picture of my favorite Australian TV celebrity chef next to Anna Gare. It is the Totally Excellent.

This one is reserved for those movies that really just stick with you; the ones you could watch week in and week out without hesitation. This one is for the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, the original Star Wars trilogy, for The Dark Knight trilogy. This one is reserved for only those movies that get the best emotions out of you.

The only Totally Excellent I've handed out this year went to Logan, but I can think of a handful of other movies off of the top of my head that I think deserve this rating. District 9 is one of them, along with Terminator 1 & 2, Creed, Blade Runner, and - you probably saw this coming - Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Which, incidentally, is where I got the name for this rating.

And that concludes my refresher course. If you wanna know what grade I might give a movie (granted, of course, I've seen it), leave a comment below or write to me on my (Twitter). As always, this has been Rafa. Stay classy.