Okja | MOVIE REVIEW

I'm not gonna lie, that was perhaps the roughest thing I've watched since The Passion of the Christ. That was heavy.

Okja was directed by Bong Joon Ho (Snowpiercer) and stars Seo-Hyeon Ahn, Tilda Swinton, Paul Dano, and Jake Gyllenhaal. It's about this girl Mija and her pet hippopotamus "super pig" named Okja, who gets taken away by the folks from Tilda Swinton's corporation, and now she has to get him the fuck outta there.

Spiderman: Homecoming | MOVIE REVIEW

THAT'S what I'm talking about.

Spiderman: Homecoming is the sixth Spiderman movie we've gotten in 15 years and is the third brand-new iteration of the masked web-slinger we've seen in the same amount of time. This one was directed by Jon Watts (Cop Car) and stars Tom Holland, Robert Downey Jr., and Michael Keaton, and is a continuation of Spiderman's journey following the events that took place in Civil War.

Transformers: The Last Knight | MOVIE REVIEW

As I was watching this, I felt like I was in that episode of Rick and Morty when they were transported to Morty's teacher's dreams and everything is like some twisted, messed-up version of reality. And, much like Rick and Morty, I wasn't having fun. At all.

Transformers: the Last Knight is the sequel to that two-and-a-half hour-long dumpster fire known as Age of Extinction, and is still - still - directed by Michael Bay. It stars Mark Wahlberg among a whole village worth of side characters and - thankfully - is Michael Bay's last ever Transformers movie.

The Mummy | MOVIE REVIEW

In case you forgot, the last time we got a Mummy movie without Brendan Fraser in it, we got that wreck of a movie that was The Scorpion King... But, then again, the last time we got a Mummy movie with Brendan Fraser in it, we ended up with Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. It's fair to say the odds of this movie being any good are mixed, to say the least.

The Mummy was directed by Alex Kurtzman and stars Tom Cruise, Annabelle Wallis, and everyone's favorite Algerian Sofia Boutella. It's the first entry in Universal's (dubiously named) Dark Universe - which, I think is the most unnecessary of the current cinematic universes - and is, more or less, a reboot of The Mummy (the one with Brendan Fraser in it, a.k.a. the one everyone loves). The story in this one's a bit different, and involves a grave robber (Cruise) and an archaeologist stumbling upon a sarcophagus in the middle of Iraq and bringing it over to Europe.

Colossal | MOVIE REVIEW

You know who's the prettiest drunk person ever? Anne Hathaway. I kid you not, Anne Hathaway is supposed to have gotten black-out drunk a number of times in this movie, yet she still looks as gorgeous as ever. Just saying.

Colossal was directed by Nacho Vigallondo and stars Anne Hathaway, who's trying to get her life together while Seoul is getting screwed up the butt by this giant monster thing. It also stars Jason Sudeikis and Dan Stevens and is a very fresh and original movie in this landscape of sequels, reboots, and remakes.

The Lost City of Z | MOVIE REVIEW

I'm kinda lost for a clever intro for this one, so let's just get right into it.

The Lost City of Z (pronounced Zedd, like the DJ) was directed by James Gray and stars Charlie Hunnam, Robert Pattinson, and Sienna Miller and is, just for the record, not a zombie movie. It's about Percy Fawcett (Hunnam), a British soldier/explorer, and his search for a lost city in the jungles of Bolivia.

Wonder Woman | MOVIE REVIEW

It took a while, but we finally have it; a DCEU movie that isn't taking a severe beating from mainstream movie critics. How amazing is that?

Wonder Woman was directed by Patty Jenkins (Monster) and stars Gal Gadot as, well, Wonder Woman. It's the fourth entry in the DCEU and DC's fourth crack at making a movie that critics won't rip to shreds. Hopefully, things won't be as hard the fourth time around.

"Alien: Covenant" | MOVIE REVIEW

Pardon me; I'm about to make a reference to a video game that very few people actually care about. If movie directors had FUT cards, at this point, Ridley Scott would have a gold IF upgrade card because - I'm telling you - the dude is in form. The man's on a roll, pretty much is what I'm trying to say.

Alien: Covenant is the latest entry into the Alien franchise and is directed by, like I mentioned earlier, Ridley Scott and stars Katherine Waterston, Michael Fassbender, Danny McBride, and Billy Crudup. However, this actually ties in more to the movie Prometheus than it does the original Alien, so it's moreso a sequel than a prequel, if you get what I mean.

"Blade Runner 2049" | TRAILER TALK

Upon going over the posts on the rest of this site, I noticed that I hardly talk about trailers. I mean, sure, I talk about them with my friends and siblings, but I've never really talked about any of them in detail on here. I've felt like doing so, but there hasn't really been a trailer that interested me enough to dedicate a post on my website to it, until now. So, enough chit-chat, let's talk about it.

Before we get into this, I just wanna say that I love the original Blade Runner. I went into it knowing hardly a thing about it and I was blown away by the sheer scope of everything. The world-building was amazing, and the focus on mystery and philosophical questions as opposed to explosions and action sequences, as well as the frankly amazing score by Vangelis, were all fantastic. I could see the influence it had on lots of other great pieces of science-fiction to follow, and realizing that just made me respect the film so much more.

"Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2" | MOVIE REVIEW

Another year, another batch of Marvel movies for us to consume. Let's get to it.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2 (which, for the rest of this review, I'm gonna shorten to just Guardians 2 because that is a seriously long-ass title) is the next installment in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and is - obviously - the sequel to 2014's Guardians of the Galaxy. That being said, you pretty much know the drill by now. Quill and friends get into a mess, their friendship is tested, they find themselves in a bigger mess, and now they have to get out of said mess. This one is still directed by James Gunn and it still makes for some pretty good entertainment.

"Beauty and the Beast" | MOVIE REVIEW

I know, I KNOW. I'm super early in getting this review up.

Okay, fine, I'm at least a week late, and to that, I say... A wizard is never late, nor is he early; he reviews Beauty and the Beast precisely when he means to.

As you all already know, Beauty and the Beast is the latest in Disney's string of live-action remakes of their classic animations and stars Emma Watson, Dan Stevens, Ewan McGregor, and Luke Evans. It was directed by Bill Condon, who helmed, well, this...

Yeah.

It also is quite musical, very much in the true spirit and vein of the original.

Making a Good "Percy Jackson" Movie | THE IDEA TRAIN

HOLD UP. I know what you're gonna say, and I know I should be over this monstrosity right now, but every time I watch a video about how good Prisoner of Azkaban was, I can't help but wonder just how good a Percy Jackson movie series could've been.

Without further ado, let's get to it.

Okay, I know I've bitched about the live action Percy Jackson movies before, and I'm sure a lot of you are probably sick to death of hearing me talk about them (in person, at least). But I've always had this idea as to what the perfect Percy Jackson adaptation would be like, and I figured it was too good to not share with anyone.

My friend also asked me to make a post detailing how these movies could be good, so there's also that (shot out to Ysa). So, I figured, "why don't I piece together a proper Percy Jackson adaptation?"

"Power Rangers" | MOVIE REVIEW

You know, the only thing that's truly surprising about these Rotten Tomatoes scores is that critics were expecting to like a movie based on the original Power Rangers TV show. Just think about that; critics were expecting to like a movie based on this:

I wonder why they didn't like this one.

Power Rangers is a new movie based on the old Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers TV show from the 90's and, much like the source material it's based on, it revolves around a group of teenagers who get powers and team up to become a unit of superheroes. This one's directed by Dean Israelite (Project Almanac) and stars RJ Cyler, Dacre Montgomery, Ludi Lin, Becky G, and my favorite actress in the movie, Naomi Scott.

"Kong: Skull Island" | MOVIE REVIEW

Damn… You know, I was really looking forward to this one.

The follow-up release to 2014's (very good) Godzilla, Kong: Skull Island was directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts (The Kings of Summer – also a very good movie) and stars – here goes – Brie Larson, Tom Hiddleston, Samuel Jackson, John Goodman, Toby Kebbell, and Corey Hawkins, and is the second film in Legendary's Monsterverse. It's a pretty different take on King Kong as we know him and takes place just after the Vietnam War. Sounds pretty good, right?

"Logan" | MOVIE REVIEW

The sketch attached to this link pretty much sums up my experience watching Logan. Don't judge.

Logan is directed by James Mangold and is both Hugh Jackman's and Patrick Stewart's very last time playing Wolverine and Professor Charles Xavier, respectively. It's also the second R-rated movie set in the X-Men franchise and, from the trailers, was promised to be not only a very violent and grim take on the character and journey of Logan Howlett, but also an incredibly gripping and emotional personal story.

"The Lego Batman Movie" | MOVIE REVIEW

Okay, I'm four cans into my latest Red Bull binge at the time of writing this review and I'm officially past the halfway mark to completing the reviews for all the movies I saw in February. Let's do this.

The Lego Batman Movie is a spin-off the surprisingly good Lego Movie and stars Will Arnett as the titular caped crusader but, in many ways, he isn't really the version of Batman that we've all come to know and love. This Batman is snarky, incredibly vain, and is pretty much an a-hole, but a loveable a-hole, and that completely works for this movie.

"John Wick: Chapter 2" | MOVIE REVIEW

Coming out of this movie had me asking a legitimately interesting question that someone has to answer. Who would win in a fight: Bruce Wayne or John Wick? On one hand, you have the world's greatest detective and on the other hand, you have John Wick.

John Wick 2 is the sequel to the 2014 sleeper hit John Wick and, like the first one, stars Keanu Reeves and packs a f***ton of ass-kicking and violence. It's also directed by one of the two guys who did the first one (Chad Stahel... Stalh... Stahelski), so, if for nothing else, we were being promised more of the same.

Top 7 Most Anticipated Movies of 2017

2017 is a stacked year. There's no denying that. Marvel Studios are pumping out not one, not two, but three movies just this year, and there are still loads more upcoming releases that look full of promise.

There's a bunch of movies that I have been paying a particular amount of attention to and that I'm definitely looking forward to seeing. That being said, I'm only limiting myself to just seven entries (with a couple of honorable mentions), because that's just how I roll on my website. Some might not have the biggest names involved, and some don't even have posters or trailers yet, but they're on this list simply because I'm that pumped to see them, as early as now.

"La La Land" | MOVIE REVIEW

So, I took my sister to see this movie and, as soon as Ryan Gosling's first exposition scene starts, she turns to me and says, "so, you like jazz?" I don't know what you'd do with that information, but I'm throwing that out there anyway.

Directed by Damien Chazelle (Whiplash), La La Land stars Emma Stone and the undisputed best celebrity Ryan in the world Ryan Gosling (to everyone except my Mom, anyway) and is a musical revolving around the lives of a struggling actress and a starving musician. And, much like Whiplash, La La Land features a lot - and I mean a lot - of jazz, and it's also pretty great.

"Extra Service" | MOVIE REVIEW

If you feel like all the ideas you have are absolutely terrible, just remember that, somehow, this movie was given the greenlight. Amazing!

Extra Service is, basically, an action-comedy starring Jessy Mendiola, Coleen Garcia, and Arci Muñoz (otherwise known as all the marketing you'll ever need) that feels like it was written by Vice Ganda and someone who frequents PornHub. That right there should tell you everything you need to know about this movie.

"Sing" | MOVIE REVIEW

You know what kids are gonna relate to? Gangsters and sleazy-ass nightclubs.

Sing is an animated movie from the folks who made Despicable Me and stars Matthew McConaughey as a theater owner who's losing both money and control of his theater pretty fast. In order to hopefully get his theater running and selling tickets again, he puts together a singing contest and shenanigans ensue.

Top 7 Best Movies of 2016

HOLY S**T, HELLO EVERYONE!

It's been a while, hasn't it? It's been a long time. Way too long.

In fact, it's been so long that doing a complete recap of all the movies I've seen last year would take way too long to go over. So, instead of doing that, I'm just gonna jump straight into things and give you my completely personal and biased list of the movies that were the best of the year, in my humble opinion.