Okja | MOVIE REVIEW

I'm not gonna lie, that was perhaps the roughest thing I've watched since The Passion of the Christ. That was heavy.

Okja was directed by Bong Joon Ho (Snowpiercer) and stars Seo-Hyeon Ahn, Tilda Swinton, Paul Dano, and Jake Gyllenhaal. It's about this girl Mija and her pet hippopotamus "super pig" named Okja, who gets taken away by the folks from Tilda Swinton's corporation, and now she has to get him the fuck outta there.

Spiderman: Homecoming | MOVIE REVIEW

THAT'S what I'm talking about.

Spiderman: Homecoming is the sixth Spiderman movie we've gotten in 15 years and is the third brand-new iteration of the masked web-slinger we've seen in the same amount of time. This one was directed by Jon Watts (Cop Car) and stars Tom Holland, Robert Downey Jr., and Michael Keaton, and is a continuation of Spiderman's journey following the events that took place in Civil War.

Transformers: The Last Knight | MOVIE REVIEW

As I was watching this, I felt like I was in that episode of Rick and Morty when they were transported to Morty's teacher's dreams and everything is like some twisted, messed-up version of reality. And, much like Rick and Morty, I wasn't having fun. At all.

Transformers: the Last Knight is the sequel to that two-and-a-half hour-long dumpster fire known as Age of Extinction, and is still - still - directed by Michael Bay. It stars Mark Wahlberg among a whole village worth of side characters and - thankfully - is Michael Bay's last ever Transformers movie.

The Mummy | MOVIE REVIEW

In case you forgot, the last time we got a Mummy movie without Brendan Fraser in it, we got that wreck of a movie that was The Scorpion King... But, then again, the last time we got a Mummy movie with Brendan Fraser in it, we ended up with Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. It's fair to say the odds of this movie being any good are mixed, to say the least.

The Mummy was directed by Alex Kurtzman and stars Tom Cruise, Annabelle Wallis, and everyone's favorite Algerian Sofia Boutella. It's the first entry in Universal's (dubiously named) Dark Universe - which, I think is the most unnecessary of the current cinematic universes - and is, more or less, a reboot of The Mummy (the one with Brendan Fraser in it, a.k.a. the one everyone loves). The story in this one's a bit different, and involves a grave robber (Cruise) and an archaeologist stumbling upon a sarcophagus in the middle of Iraq and bringing it over to Europe.

Colossal | MOVIE REVIEW

You know who's the prettiest drunk person ever? Anne Hathaway. I kid you not, Anne Hathaway is supposed to have gotten black-out drunk a number of times in this movie, yet she still looks as gorgeous as ever. Just saying.

Colossal was directed by Nacho Vigallondo and stars Anne Hathaway, who's trying to get her life together while Seoul is getting screwed up the butt by this giant monster thing. It also stars Jason Sudeikis and Dan Stevens and is a very fresh and original movie in this landscape of sequels, reboots, and remakes.